|My prayers I did write them down..
||[Aug. 9th, 2005|12:02 am]
Dear god, I know I've sinned in my life all I ask is that you bless the people that have come into my life at this time. I have tried to enlighten them the best to my ability, and in return I found that I was the one being blessed with enlightenment. I need love and you in my life more at this time and I thank you for blessing me with the friends and family I have in my life. Its hard at times and I know to keep faith oh god, but please if you just give me the chance to prove myself. I know I can do better and do whats right for my life. Oh god I pray, I pray for forgiveness and for the souls that have touched me in my life. I only pray that they all find their happiness in their lives. I am torn and I bleed for you, I opened my heart and know I give myself fully to you. Thank you god I can't thank you enough for coming into my life and showing me the way. My heart acks for these souls, I cry at times for them. I would give my life for them, I want to save them all, and always keep them in my heart. These are my prayers, these are my means, my happiness, my joy, forever I am yours. I have never prayed like this before and mean every word from the deepest parts of my heart and soul. Take me as I am, take me now, I have seen what I need to see and learned what I need to learn. Let me bleed for them for I do cry oh lord I do cry and it is for them. I want to embrace them all with loving arms, and say to them it will be okay. Please oh please oh lord show me a sing, show me some thing. I am a believer in your power and trust your judgment with all my heart. I ask for myself to be by your side one day and never leave me soulless. And I pray, I pray for them and I pray for you.
"Latter that night I had my sign , a sign most wouldn't see or believe."
As I lay in bed thinking to myself, "how could I let some one fall like they have." Did I not try my hardest, I need to be your guardian the one who saves all the fallen ones. So I prayed like I do every night, for not myself but for the world. Is that what makes me who I am? Can I save what really matters to me? So many questions of life and myself, I guess thats human nature to question your self. I awoke sweating from the night before, the dreams so violent and yet I cry because I want peace in my life. Praying for others gives me peace in my heart and in my soul. I would think of myself as being selfish if I had prayed for myself. Yet the more I look around the more I see the more I cry. Not because of the choices they make, but because I couldn't do any thing for them. So many tears, so many pains, and yet I still find myself praying for them all. I do not understand why we make the choices we do, but I know we can learn from them if we choose too. Words can have meaning, and emotion, to open your self up is like tearing down the walls that have boxed you in for so long. Have faith in your self if no one else, keep hope for your self if no one else. My words are clean, and I spread my wings I look to the heavens and say; "Why can't I just save one why not save them all." So I say to my friends keep hope, hold on to your faith, and trust your self, and let no harm come to you. I'll keep praying and know I'll strive until one day I can thrive. But for now I am weak, lonely and torn, broken and falling, with no end in sight.